One Conversation at a Time

 This post started about racism, which has been an intensely important theme in 2020. I'm thankful for my “you know who you are” friends for sharing your stories with me, and giving me a window into what it's like to be a minority in my country and city. 

In the wake of George Floyd's death, this quote from Steven Furtick stood out to me: 

“To be a follower of Christ means more

than to feel bad about injustice.

It means to fight against it in whatever way you can,

even if that’s one conversation and decision at a time.”

That’s powerful because 1. We can all do something, and 2. Our day-to-day life is where we can make the difference. 

Stretching his meaning to the Biblical sense of the word "conversation" means we can make a difference by adjusting our words, ideas, values, relationships, judgements, social media posts... etc. It's not just about what we say, or who we think we are, but it's largely defined by how we affect others.

The list below nearly wrote itself, but not because I’ve ever been a victim of racism. I haven't. It was partly because I spent my twenties studying a second language alongside a stream of fascinating people from diverse cultures. Although I often felt out of place, those years gave me invaluable experiences with people different from me. Sometimes extremely different. If you’ve never been The Only One in a room for some reason, you need to experience it. It’s powerful in ways I can’t put into words.

In that zone, I began to learn what basic kindness means between people who don't understand each other. While I wouldn't want to water down importance of the race issue, I do think the list below applies far beyond racism. To me, it's about the differences we perceive in the people around us. That could be skin color, yes, but also culture, native language, appearance, education, wealth vs. poverty, political party, or physical health, etc. 

The universal truth is we get tense and uncomfortable around different. We're most comfortable around people who look and think like us. We tend to dehumanize the ones we don’t understand, and it’s an ongoing struggle to identify and overcome our natural way of thinking. (Anyone that says we can solve monstrous problems like these with zinger memes and one-liners is lying.)

From my own experience, I know it's impossible without God's help. This is not a list of my accomplishments. Ha. No. But it’s a good list of goals. Aside from voting, I have little direct control over what goes on in my country or my city, but I can ask God to help my conversation reflect His love to everyone who crosses my path. 

This quote from Dallas Jenkins resonates too: “Being uncomfortable is exactly what Jesus oftentimes wants for us." If we're willing, we can do more than feel bad about the mess the world is in. We don't have to live in fear, tip-toeing around differences. We can embrace the uncomfortable moments, and we can be the difference.

 

You can change your conversation by... 

• Rejecting the assumptions that pop into your head because of race or other factors, and treating each new person you meet like a blank slate.  
• Admitting that racism and other discriminations are real, and that some people are angered, victimized, mistreated, and even feel physically unsafe because of them. 
• Understanding that a person may joke about their differences because they trust you and feel comfortable, but they've experienced all of the above and may not feel like telling you.
• Acknowledging that people can have radically different experiences in the same town, job, or community as you, solely because of race or other differences. 
• Listening when someone opens up about their experiences, even if you feel awkward or challenged by new information; not brushing off their experience as drama, but biting your tongue and really listening.
• Having patience with someone who doesn’t speak your language very well.
• Having patience with someone who doesn’t speak your language very well.

Oops. Did I say that one twice? 

• Learning about worlds beyond your horizon, whether a far-off country or the culture of your next-door neighbor; meanwhile, knowing that just because you have studied a culture, traveled, or learned a language, or had your own setbacks etc., you are an expert on no one's experiences but your own.
• Thinking through someone else’s perspective and feelings, even when you don’t agree with what they do or believe.  
• Welcoming and being interested in people who seem to have nothing in common with you (which probably isn't true). 
• Speaking the truth with kindness even if it will be scary and tense. 
• Not laughing at a racist or demeaning joke, no matter who said it, and no matter who laughed.
• Reminding yourself often: “I don’t know their story,” and, “I have a lot to learn.” 

I can’t solve all the problems of the world, but I want to do what I can in my circle of influence. We are not helpless! 

Our thoughts are powerful.

Our words are powerful.

Our stories are powerful.

Our listening is powerful.

Our learning is powerful.

Our humility is powerful.

Our prayers are powerful.

Our conversation is powerful.

Thanks for reading! 

Letters From Haiti, 1985, 1989

Last year I found some of my Uncle Chuck's letters to my grandparents from while he was in Haiti. Some of these stories had become little family legends, and it was fun to see them in his handwriting. I'm sharing these clippings (with my grandparents' permission) as a way to remember my Uncle Chuck and the people he loved in Haiti. 

Reading into my uncle's dry humor, I see that the trip was a challenge on many levels. Yet, at the end he was eager to go back. Many of you know his story didn't go as planned. He did not have years of work ahead of him; he had unknowingly spent his last healthy energy in Haiti. 

I didn't realize until I read these letters that my Uncle Chuck must have been one of the first voices in my life who preached loudly and clearly without any words: don't be afraid to live outside your comfort zone. Do whatever it takes to make a difference... I'm so thankful for that voice, and I hope that you will hear it too as you read. His life wasn't long, but he made an impact everywhere he lived.

We miss you and love you, Uncle Chuck! 

On Creatures

June 21, 1985
The first night a tree frog (about the size of a coffee cup) went hopping all over the floor & walls. We tried to chase him out but never succeeded so we went to bed thinking there were probably other creatures we didn’t know about running loose. 

They have some pretty good sized lizards here also. The ones around our house are from 1 to 2 feet long but they help eat the other bugs. 

The kitchen is infested with huge roaches. They can really move fast. We sprayed yesterday with Raid & this morning we woke up and there were about 20 big ones & a whole bunch of little ones dead on the floor. 

July 26, 1985
Tuesday night I was very startled to see a tarantula on the bathroom wall. It was the first we had seen in the house & hopefully the last! This one could really move fast. Quite a battle ensued as I kept trying to hit him with a shoe. Finally we sprayed him with bug spray &he stayed still long enough for me to pound him with the shoe. 

August 2, 1985
As I was writing I looked up & saw a rat out the window run the top of the wall. That’s the first one I’ve seen around here. I did see one early Thursday morning (2:30am) while driving down the road. He was about the size of a cat.

On Weather

July 5th, 1985
The weather is fairly cool tonight. The temperature is probably around 90 but it only feels about 70.

Nov. 25, 1988
The weather in Haiti is always warm. During the “winter” the temperature is usually around 85 in the daytime and drops to about 75 at night. The temperature very rarely gets below 70, except in the mountains. Haiti never has snow so most here have never experienced it. 

On Travel

June 21, 1985
Last week we went to one of the churches in the mountains. The road was very bumpy & it took about 12 hours to get there & back.

March 9, 1989
Guess who we have Airline Tickets with? You’re right – Eastern Airlines! [EA was on strike.] Well today I went downtown to change them & had been to Eastern & then Pan Am then the travel agent again & back to Pan Am. By the time I returned back to Pan Am they were no longer accepting Eastern tickets or any that Eastern had endorsed to them. So as of today our tickets are technically worthless... I really don’t think there will be a problem since we are not leaving until May. Surely someone will honor them by then.

August 9, 1985
The Sheets were to arrive back on Monday. We drove down to pick them up but they were not on the plane. We went to the ticket counter & asked if they were on that flight. The lady told us that this was secret information & that she could not tell us. We said okay – and then [she] walked to the computer, punched in & told us they were not on Monday’s flight but would be on Tues. Tuesday we drove back down & the same thing happened so we went back on Wednesday & they were on this plane.

March 23, 1989
Pastor Clement was supposed to come and interpret for us but he did not show up at our meeting place so we went without him. There had been heavy rains that night and a mud slide had covered the road so he was unable to come.

March 23, 1989
We are back on the bike [motorcycle]. The lady with the jeep is trying to sell it and she will be leaving the country for a few months in April. It sure was nice having it and it spoiled us. I had been using it to visit most of the schools. 

July 12, 1985
The traffic gets quite congested here, especially if a cop is trying to direct it. It would be like driving in downtown Portland at 5:00 with no rules.

June 21, 1985
We have a Yamaha 125 motorcycle for our transportation. It is a Sheaves for Christ trail bike. It is kind of fun to ride. There are only just a few “good” roads here. The rest are just bumpy rock & dust. The drivers are real wild too. 

On Differences

March 16, 1989 

Well we miss you all & will be seeing you in May si J vié. (If Jesus wills.) Every Haitian always says that. Si J Vié and they always say Grace a Dieu – when we would say as thank God. 

July 26th, 1985
Monday was a national holiday because of elections. They have different voting practices here. When you go to vote you are asked by armed men if you would like a “yes” ballot or a “no” ballot. As one scans the room & sees all of the guns he naturally asks for a “yes” ballot &a thn goes & votes, “yes” of course. 

August 2, 1985
One thing I have learned down here is that nothing will be like what you would picture it to be in your mind.

Feb 17, 1989
You all are talking about how long it takes the police to get to a call, well here they ask you if you have a body. If you do they come, if not they don’t show.

April 14, 1989
The coup seems to be over. For all the noise and shooting there does not appear to be much damage. President Avril said that his troops were using “practice ammunition” and that they were not to shoot below head level. I take that to mean that they all shot in the air with blanks. I wonder how all the people were injured and killed from that? 

March 16, 1989
One of our pastor’s wives died this week so I went to the funeral at Pont Sonde. She had been sick & then got better & next thing we knew she died. She was about 55 years old & that is old for the Haitian. In fact that is the life expectancy in Haiti. 55 years. I think it is 73 years in the States.

June 21, 1985
Thursday we were trying to clean the garbage pile out of our back door, so we hauled it out into the street (where everyone else puts their garbage). There was a box of Rice Krispies in it that had been infested with bugs that I threw out. No sooner had I turned my back than a young boy dug through the garbage, picked up the Rice Krispies, and ran off. Tonight I was noticing that not too much of our garbage was left. The people will take their “treasures” home to use or eat.

Nov. 25, 1988
Many of our churches have day schools. They begin in October and finish in June. To be able to attend school here in Haiti every student must have shoes, a uniform, a book bag and a lunch pail. Because of these cultural requirements many cannot attend.
Their day begins a little before 8:00 am and goes until noon. The students sit crowded together on rough wooden benches and copy their lessons from a “blackboard.” They do not have any privilege break or field trips or parties... The facilities are very crude. There is no running water or indoor bathrooms and no mirrors, yet the students feel very privileged to be able to attend. 

July 12, 1985
Saturday the 6th we went to the Iron Market. We found our “guides” & were led about to spend our money. We bought several wood carvings & things. It was quite an experience having the merchants trying to sell you something all at once. Our guides literally fought them off. It was fun.

July 12, 1985
The Sheet’s washing machine broke down so we have been doing our laundry in the bathtub. It is hard work.

June 21, 1985
Our phone number at our house is 60999, but our phone hasn’t worked for the last 3 days & may never work again so don’t be alarmed if you cannot phone us. 

On New Experiences

July 19, 1985
We’ve had an exciting week. Monday I went to the barber for a haircut. The barber put his shirt & smock on, turned on the air conditioner, began unlocking drawers & pulling out his tools. I sat down & explained in English & Creole what I wanted. He must have been nervous because he kept clicking his scissors in the air, very fast. He was so short he had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the top of my head. He did a very good job. All for $4.00.

March 16, 1989
[We visited] another of our schools that is in the area. It is in a small brush arbor type “building.” The kids sang for us a couple songs. Jesus Loves the Little Children of the World & one to the tune of When the Battle’s Over We Shall Wear a Crown. They were singing different words on that one. I still have a hard time trying to understand when someone talks to me. Kinda like you are trying to figure out my handwriting. We are by no means fluent, but can almost hold a reasonably intelligent conversation.

March 16, 1989
Monday we packed our suitcases & moved out to the “Farm” for a few days. We are staying at the Heady’s house which is out of Port au Prince 23 kilometers. There is about 60 acres of Haitian Desert where they have some chickens. All the chickens are layers & we collect about 20 dozen eggs a day. They had two chickens they had set aside to butcher. They were pretty good sized, about like a turkey. One of them died, so we butchered the other one the next day. Today we had one of the layers die. It looked like a ruptured egg inside. Now we have another which is sick and will die too. It seems that it is not strange to have them die.

July 19, 1985
After dinner the kids went to play. A few minutes later Maggie came back saying Jason fell & was crying. We went out to see. He had gone across from our house to a house that is being built. He had crawled up one of the walls & had fallen 8 feet when the wall fell apart. The walls here are made of cement block. A couple of blocks fell on him. He didn’t break any bones, but his legs were all bloody. I brought him back to our house & then we decided to take him to the doctor. When we got to the doctors Sis. Sheets & I went in to help. Here the doctor is also his own nurse, receptionist, bill collector etc. I held Jason down while the doctor gave him a shot in the knee & then cleaned the wound & put a couple stitches in a blood vessel that had been ruptured. It was all very interesting. Of course Jason did not think so. The next day you would not have known he even hurt himself. He was up running around & fighting with his sister.

June 28, 1985
We are doing fine & have began setting up the files & record books for the church. We have been teaching English to some of the Bible School students. We are getting more used to the bugs. Most of them have died from the spray. Our phone is working again, for a while anyway. Prices are very high on American items & any packaged foods. We are having a good time! 

July 19, 1985
Tomorrow, like most Saturdays, I go to the airport to help unload the Agape plane of the mail & parcels. We are escorted out to the runway where we unload the plane, then we take everything through customs where we open every box for them so they can mess everything up. Most things they don’t charge customs on. It depends on what type of mood they are in. From there we load everything into the van & go to the Agape “Office” where people come to pick up their mail.

June 21, 1985 
This is probably the longest letter I have written in my life so I better close before it gets longer. We love you & miss you but are enjoying ourselves.

On The Future

July 26, 1985 

We have only 3 weeks left here. We will be sorry to leave. We have really enjoyed our stay here. 

March 23, 1989

I don’t think we will be meeting the missions board until October. Thanks for sending all the tax booklets. I am going to try to do them while I am here... We are enclosing a few pictures that we finally got developed. Hope you can enjoy them. We love you all and miss you. 

April 14, 1989
I have some plans for building some desks out of plywood that I would like to try when I get home. It takes one sheet for each desk. I figure I can make them for around $30.00. I don’t remember what a nice piece of plywood cost in the states, but here it is about $45.00 and it isn’t too nice. All the plywood is imported, mostly from Brazil so it is expensive.

April 21, 1989 
We will not write you again, as that we shall be arriving home on Tuesday the 2nd of May. Michael is getting excited about riding on the big airplane. We have been counting down the days until we see you all. We love you all and will see you in 10 days as of this writing. Probably only 5 days from your reading this.